Life Experiences

Hello! Life experiences. Where shall I begin? I have had so many life experiences. I strongly believe that every experience that we have in our lives, is for a Divine purpose. When we are going through things we may not see it, but the purpose is there... if we look hard enough. Everything that I have gone through in my life has made me into the person that I am today. Yall I have grown a lot. Growing up I was a loving and very trusting person. As I experience my life I started to experience a lot of hurt. As I felt this hurt I started to transform into a vindictive person. Yall if you hurt me, I was definitely some where thinking about how I was going to hurt you. As I got older I got wiser. I have had many friends that have come and gone. I appreciated each and everyone of them. They have taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I would not change one thing about my life, because that one thing would change the woman I have grown to be. Don't get me wrong now my life hasn't been all peaches and cream, but I will no longer live in that place. I had thoughts of suicide growing up...more than once. But I stayed strong and God brought me through. I have been lied to, talked about, treated like shit, cheated on, picked on, bullied and made to feel like I was less of a human being. I know that I had to endure all of that to be molded into the woman I am now. I learned forgiveness, I learned the true meaning of unconditional love, I learned that everyone is not going to like me and that is okay. I learned that as long as I love me that's all that really matters. I now know that vengeance is a waste of my time and energy. I am going through a lot right now, but I know that I will be a stronger and better person for my experiences. Yall life isn't always what we want it to be but it is always a reason for it I truly believe that!

Happiness and Love

Hey! I think I'm going to talk about happiness and love. In the world today I come in contact with so many people who are unhappy in their situation. Yall listen to me, if I haven't learned anything else in my 38 years, I have learned that life is to short to be unhappy all the time. If you are in a situation that makes you unhappy change it! If your feet hurt in your shoes...throw those shoes away and get a bigger size or wider shoes or hell give the shoes away and move on. If you are unhappy with your job...change it. I know we all need a job, but so many of us are living for money and we are miserable in our jobs. Find what job makes you happy whether you are getting paid a little or not! If you are in a relationship and you are miserable more than 30% of the time, change what's wrong. If you can't work things out then leave that relationship and find one that makes you happy. Now let's move on to love. Love has lost it's true meaning these days. People just throw the word around like it cheap paper. I believe that love doesn't mean a thing if you are not ready to die for it. See when you love some one your first instinct is to protect them at all cost. In the world today I think we are so hungry for love that we settle for the imitation and don't wait for the real deal. Then we are miserable because we rushed it just to say we have love in our life. Yall love means doing the hard things. When you think you are in love with someone take the time to ask yourself a few questions. If this person has an accident and is permanently paralyzed are you prepared to give that person a bath, feeding them, help them in every way day in and day out? If this person was diagnosed with a terminal illness, will you be there for that person until the end? These are a few things we should think about when we use the word love. I mean if you truly love someone you never stop loving them. you might grow apart or dislike the things they say or do, but you will never stop loving them. Yall it's time to be happy and know and respect the power of love!

FEAR!

Hello Peeps! Today I feel like talking about FEAR! Maybe if I put this out here then maybe just maybe I can get pass it. I have been a heavy girl for a long time. I have had to wear pretty plus and hefty clothes since I was 5 years old. I was never made to feel like I needed to starve myself to be a slim girl. Know when I started gaining weight my mom couldn't understand it because I ate like a bird. Y'all I was so confused as to why my mom and sister where a size 7 and I was growing up and out. Y'all by the third grade I could wear a 34B bra. Yeah! My breast continued to grow very fast. By six grade I was wearing my sister's junior size 7. Well I say all this to say that I don't know what it would be like to be slim. I mean don't get me wrong I got tons of exercise because we walked every where. I was very active I loved to play powder puff football and I was in the marching band for years. So I just couldn't understand why I kept gaining weight. But as I got older I began to understand that my body frame was different than my mom's. I took after my dad. But as I started high school I began to really gain weight. That was do to emotional eating. Growing up in a house with two very beautiful and physically attractive ladies you have to end up with some kind of complex, right? Well I have said all that to say that, I have come to the conclusion that I have had a fear of a few things in my life that I need to conquer. Y'all I have been heavy all my life, I realize that I don't know how to be anything but that way. I have lost 30lbs. but now I am at a stand still. I need to overcome my fear of being smaller. See in my mind I always wanted to find that special person who would love me as I am right now, that way I would be sure that he loved me for me and not what I look like physically. Now I realize that that is just a state of mind, but I have to learn how to let go of my fear about it and move on. I also have a fear of making yet another mistake in judgement when it comes to choosing the right man. I know this all might sound crazy but you'd be amazed at how many people can relate to what I am saying. Y'all I know the bible says God did not give us the spirit of Fear...So I have to step out on faith. It has taking a lot of time for me to get to this point in my life but I have and I am ready to fight my fear and come out on top victoriously. Holla if you hear me!

Life is funny!

Hey to whomever is reading! Life is funny to me. It amazes me how dumb we as women can be. Those of us who believe in God, we pray for answers and when God gives them to us we ignore them. When it comes to men and our emotions we turn a deaf ear to what God is telling us. It is by faith that we should live, but let's be honest...We as women live by our emotions. Don't get me wrong emotions are very important, but as women we go overboard. I can say this because I am a woman and I sometimes make decisions based on emotions instead of my faith and head tells me is best. So many of us we let our emotions over rule our good senses. Let me break this all the way down. I'm sure any women reading this will probably not like what I am about to say. Examples of this is as follows: When a man lies and tells you that he is single when he really isn't. Yes it is wrong for him to lie to you but it's worst that we let our emotions rule and we deal with it. Now our good senses tells us to cut our loses and move on. But our dang emotions say "but I really love him and he will leave her for me". Now lets be real how many men really leave that woman for you? An even better question is why would you want him too. I mean think about it and not emotionally, you would see that if he was willing to do it to her he is 99.5% going to do it to you. And another take on that is how would you feel if it was happening to you? Another example is when you fall for this guy and you start to question things about yourself. I mean you start to lose your self esteem or you except him mentally or physically abusing you. Your emotions tells you that that is acceptable. Now you know that is not acceptable at all. Emotions make you accept being just a booty call. We say oh no hell loves me or he is just to busy to come on a regular bases. It's time that us as women realize that we are important. It's ok to be by yourself for awhile. I know it gets lonely but why sell yourself short. We are all truly worthy of being a man's pride and joy. So why do we sell ourselves short? That's the question I ask myself a lot. I still come back to our dang emotions. It's time that us as women put our emotions in check. I know you have serious emotions for him, so make him prove it. If he wants to be with you, he needs to stop selling you his lines and SHOW YOU! Words are cheap and dang it WE deserve more. Women we have a power that is like no other, but we just give it to a man. I'm not talking about playing games, I'm talking about demanding respect and stop selling ourselves short! I know that I have let my emotions lead me down the wrong path, but I am so tired of that. I am now doing my best to keep my emotions in check. It's not easy but it is necessary if I plan to live a happy life. I have let my emotions control me instead of me controlling them. That has gotten me nothing but my heart broken, me being used, and mistreated. I deserve better and all women deserve better. Okay it's time we CONTROL OUR EMOTIONS!

What's wrong with me?

Hey to Anyone interested! I will probably be blogging like crazy this year cause I have so much I need to put out in the world. All my life I have gone through so much growing up. It's hard growing up with an older sister who everyone thinks is so beautiful. Don't get me wrong, I have never been ugly. My sister has just always been a perfect size 7. I could wear my sisters clothes at 11. I know it has to do with the fact that we have different dads. Her dad and my mom were always slim. My dad on the other hand has always been a big man. My sister takes more after my mother and I take more after my dad. Well it's one thing when outside people call her the pretty one and make a difference between us, but it's a whole other thing when family does it. I always thought family is suppose to love you unconditionally?! Well I learned that that is not always the case. My mom, dad, and sister love me unconditionally. At least I think so. Mom has always made sure that no one made a difference between us in her presence but come on now mom can't be with me all the time. I got tired of telling her every time someone treated me bad. So I learn to deal with it. I won't lie and say that I never thought about taking my own life or ask myself why I was born. Then I think about things that would have happened to my mom had I not been born. See I have saved my mom from a poisonous snake and a man that was watching her to do only God knows what. So that is what has kept me going. As I got older and lived my life such as it is. I have watched my mom and sister date. I have seen men lose their minds over them. I wonder what do they have that I don't? When I was younger I always thought it was that they were prettier than me. But as I matured I learn that that was not it. I had everything they had....Sure it came in a bigger package but that was the only difference. I just had poor self esteem. Well as I started dating, I learned a lot. I learned a lot from my mom and sister. I learned a lot on my own. Don't get me wrong I can honestly look back and say that I loved and dated one guy that was truly GREAT! But my low self esteem ruined it. I have had lots of guy friends and I love them all. Some of them I thought I loved but it wasn't love. It was that I idealize them because I thought they were the cutest guy and I felt like I needed or wanted them to prove something to all those people who belittled me growing up? As I came into myself I learned that there was a lot of men attracted to me when I wasn't worried about them. I figure it was because I wasn't sexing every Tom, Dick, or Harry and I wasn't interested in them like that. I was to busy idealizing the "Eye Candy". Dating has never been my problem, my problem has been realizing who wanted me for me and not to use me. I always wanted to know what it was like to be able to steal someone else's man. So I did it and as you might guess he wasn't worth stealing. But he did give me the best gift ever. He gave me my daughter. Now as I look around me I realize that I have traveled a path that has taking me away from the things that I thought I wanted the most. I wanted to be a virgin until I married, that didn't happen. I wanted to be married by 25, that didn't happen. I wanted to find my "Boaz", but I haven't yet. That's the one thing that I can still look for but the others I can not. I realize now that I didn't love myself enough and I didn't think I deserve to have the best because of my weight. I know now that I deserve the best that a man has to offer. I am worthy and Damn IT! I will get it or live alone. So to anyone who can relate to this on any level I just want to say learn to love yourself and know your worth. Don't settle for anything just to say you have someone. You deserve the best and the rest can shove it up their butts! I believe there is someone for everyone and we just have to be ready to receive them when they cross your path. Stay Strong! I won't say that having a standard isn't lonely sometimes but I refuse to settle for less than a man absolute best cause that's what I am bringing to the table!

2010!

Hey everyone! I have a question how many people actually keep there new years resolutions? Well as for me I don't waste my time making them. My year is going to be what I make of it! This year I have a lot of things planned for myself. I plan to grow my faith. I plan to continue making myself healthier. 2009 was no the best year that I have had. But I believe that everything happens to us for a reason and I try to learn from it and move on. Stress yall is killing us! How can we allow stress to take us out. I mean young people are dying left and right yall. Is it really worth it. My thoughts are so vast and I want to share them all with whomever wants to listen. I have lived a wild life and I have knowledge beyond my years. I am new to this blogging but this year I will give it a try. I have so many topics that I want to hit on. Life is too short for all the craziness and I am purging this year! I'm sure I will be sad, mad, depress, happy, but most of all I will be working on being the best person I can be.